3 quick things

In my eclectic brain three thoughts have found nourishment the last couple days.

1. The overly intellectual part of my brain is busy weighing the viability of the hypothesis that the stubbornly high unemployment rate in this country can be most adequately accounted for by Marxism.

2. The cornily sentimental part of my brain is weighing the viability of finding true love.

3. The calmer and seemingly wiser part of my brain is chewing on the idea that the pursuit of validation is among man's universal behaviors.

In the way of meta-analysis I am of course considering the odd grouping of these ideas in a single being, namely myself. How is it possible that such ideas could cohabitate the same intellectual dwelling? To be honest a fourth topic is lingering as well but in an attempt to save the world from my darker nature I omit it here. Apparently my proclivity towards dark humor makes most others feel "uncomfortable". I can't understand why....

Anyways I don't want to spend to much time here expanding on these thoughts but I'll flush them out a bit. As to #1 if you consider the true trajectory of Marxist thought, meaning not viewing it from the perspective of the ultra-nationalist propagandist or the tree hugging idealist, but if you view it instead as the inexorable progression of events Marx described then it is hugely important to look to high unemployment. Marx did not say a communist state would come into being because people would somehow wake up one morning convinced of its moral superiority, it was something that would happen gradually over time as a result of economic conditions worsening. Specifically he identified the mechanization of labor that would take place and consequently lead to higher and higher unemployment. Eventually he thought unemployment would reach a tipping point and people would rise up and start a revolution. We've only moved from a normal rate of unemployment being around 5% to 7 or 8% but still it's worth observing. Did you see the 60 minutes story last week about robots doing more and more jobs? It's worth thinking about...

#2 is embarrassing to admit such a though even exists in my brain. Talk about the path more traveled  I put myself in league with every terrible screenplay, cheezy romance novel and the entire female population of the planet in such speculation. Nonetheless it's there and lingering. Falling in love is wonderful, I hope to do it again someday. Moving right along...

#3 is the thought worth the most investment I think. I think it's the most worth pursuing of the thoughts I currently harbor but I am again embarrassed to reveal myself in terms of the originating event of this particular idea. I sort of left the channel on the Oprah network and she made a comment about how every guest on her show was searching for validation. I think she is describing a true phenomenon with a limiting word. I think validation is a massively common pursuit but I think it's more about being understood. I think we all fundamentally want to feel understood. To connect with another human being in such a way that makes us feel as if that person really gets us. Even if it's just one person I think it can be that simple knowledge of someone else out there able to understand us that keeps us going.

I did a quick explanation there. I'm going to try (almost certainly unsuccessfully) to get some sleep.

Good Times

Tar

I am worthy
of your hate.
only.
take some of mine.

Ah self destruction welcome back. It's nice to have you back on the program. We were just speaking last week with your friend. This last work of yours was elegant and moving in its efficiency. A single calculated act wreaking such destruction. It's good because she almost started to like you. Better to blow it up before it began. Save yourself the pain of dragging it on and ruining it later. Make them hate you, that's the best way. Drive them away so you can be miserable. Alone.

At least then it can end with me.

A Hard Day

It's been a hard day. The memories have begun dying and as they struggle for those last few gasps of air the convulsing sends bursts of pain through my chest. It doesn't seem like a vacation anymore, it feels wrong. It feels to me as if each of the nueropathways in my brain is connected to my nervous system and each time one of the little strands of brain tissue rips its roots from the soil of my brain I feel a flash of pain. Sometimes whole clumps are uprooted and the intensity if magnified. Randomly images force themselves into my mind, almost into my eyes they seem so vivid. Nothing odd or particularly powerful just plain views of the door to my old house or the living room but the implied power is enormous. And the gun shot like manner in which they appear, penetrating my consciousness and then exiting quickly. Before it was a big pain, which while overwhelming and humbling in its ability to physically take me to the floor and override my usually overbearing rational control, was at least finite and even cathartic. Now it is a small leak of pain. It burns hour after hour slowly and patiently. It is a soft hum that you forget is there when busy and then in your solitude it haunts you. It is calm and steady and threatening in its sense of inevitable conquering. I feel it taunting me and my patience like Grant surrounding Vicksburg. I hate it because it denies me the clarity of big pain. There is something healing about big pain, something cleansing. It burns and stings like hell but when it is gone it is like after a strong rain. This dripping brings no clarity. It does not cleanse. It is a smarter pain I guess.

Breathe I suppose. Try to cleanse it with the breath. 

Good Times